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L’Inglisch 2 - s-ku:l & para(s)-ku:l
(di Alessandra De Acutis, Paola Lerza, Clara Salafia)
L'INGLESE NEL TRAGITTO CASA-SCUOLA
Bambino: Can
you port me to school, mum?
Mamma: Sorry, my car is scassated and still by the meccanic
Bambino: So I must go at pied... uff....
Mamma: You can prend the bus, if you sbrigh yourself
Bambino: But I have to comprar the ticket...uff...
Mamma: Taye your bike, allor!
Bambino: It has the ruotes sgonf... uff...
Mamma: And you are sgonfying me... go on foot-by pied!
Bambino: Chi goes pian, goes san and goes lontan... who dissed it, mum?
Mamma: The man who missed the train, baby! You are in a gros ritard like
the solit!!!
Bambino: can I stay at home, mum?
IN THE SCHOOLBUS ('NCOPPA 'O PULLMÀNN)
Driver: If
you don't v'assettate immediately, I'll Throw you out of the bus, to the
soul of your dead persons!
I Pupil: Pure accà sta scocciatura 'e lingua!
Driver: English is very important today for you, very silly boy. You are
silly like a scheep...
II Pupil: Scheep, scheep, scheep a borzett a 'sta signora! Da qua! Damn,
only a few cents...
III Pupil: Cent'anni of disgraces t'ann a capità! Cient lezioni e
divertinglese to you and to your seventh generation
MEGLIO IL LATINO…
Latin is a
dead language,
dead as a dead can be;
first it killed the Romans,
now it's killing me.
SHARONE’S STORY
During the ten hours of intervall for lunch and after lunch in a Rome’s
school whith many classes a tiemp'full.
This story is only for the elementary school teachers.
Sharone (..a Roma se disce ccosì): What a beautiful break…I run a left, I
run a right, I run all around the garden. Trullallero, trullallà.
Teacher: St’attent Sharone, maybe you want to cask pett’err? Don’t run in
this way, plis.
Sharone: O keep’all, teacher; don’t break the boxes (I’m educated).
St’oaccore embè?
Narrator: But a cruel destiny stav’ after the wall corner and the little,
pretty Sharone falls pett’err.
Teacher: I tel’aviad’ett Sha, but you non listen nobody…look, look how
much blood. Mar’onn bidell, bidell help me to refresh her ferite.
Bidell: I can’t. The water is all closed pett’utt a school for broken
sciacquons. Remember?
Teacher: Holy sky! And all’or?
Bidell: Ask to girl’s mother to port the bambin to nearest hospital.
Teacher: It’s a good idea!
(After ten minutes)
Sharone’s mum: AAAAAHHHH! Maronnamy, ch’è such’ess, mò me more!
Teacher: Tranquill, tranquill, I’m here, it’s nothing.
Sharone’s mum: (Very arrabbiated) Nothing, you say nothing…BUT TELL IT TO
YOUR SISTER!
Wherever stav’tu when my little tesor cad’ev?
Teacher: I…I was here near the little tesor!
Sharone: N’evvero ma’! (Sharon is educated e pure strong)
Sharone’s mum: Have you listened my piccol’ett? It’s the voice of
innocence. You haven’t make your duty as Christ order!!! I tev’ad a
denunzy and I leave you in lingerie. I make to spend a very bad quarter of
hour!
Teacher: My carrier is like a game (sob…lacrims, lacrims)…a game over!
GENNARINO’S STORY
Gennarino s’è transferred to private (ops parity) from public school. It’s
his first school day.
Teacher – Hello, trasi, trasi into the classroom. May I call you Genny?
Don’t be timid Genny, come in!
Genny – (watching all around) Oh, all is so fine, not as the public school
full of poor christs, broken sciacquons at the bagn, mens with bad foods,
broken desks, and over all sfaticate teachers out of head like a geraniums
vase, that smoke only cannabys and marijuana and drink wine all day and
night long.
T – Oh, you’re right! They’re pare’assites of society. Men male that
there’re schools like this for protegg’iu and chill’comm’atté.Poor Genny,
don’t preoccupe yourself, here you’re with friends. You can impare many
things, not like at public school. Puah!
G – For fortune I’m in this piece of Heaven. I’m trattated well, now. But,
teacher, I’ve a dub. If I don’t impare nothing you ch’effay? Me make
repeat the year? Or maybe you give me too many formative debits?
T – (Making a sardonic smile) Genny, what cabbage are you thinking?
Remember that you pay to stay here!!!! Nobody can bocc’iu. Stay calm, that
te diplom senz’other. Bast ke rest’here pett’utt l’ann.
G – Thanks to Mrs More Acts and her epocal reform. Finally a radious day.
Goodbye jurna't'emmerd'!!!
Without off’es for the no-public teachers. I was alunn in a private school
for eight years. For this reason I speak English like a motherlanguage…eh
eh eh (may I dir a thing pian pian? I had proffs very good…don’t tell me
parol’acc…please...it was colp of my parents)
Exercise in classroom.
Theme: “My future”
Gennarino’s svolgiment
I don’t know what the future has in serb for me. Here, in front of me,
there’s a teacher that’s very brav’ and studious: she knows Latin (what
ce’fa whit it, only she ‘ossape), Greek (the same thing), Story (to me,
in’vec is sufficient to watch on TV all the silly stories about “There’s a
mail for you” of the marvellous Mary the Phillip,in Constance) ecc ecc…
My letter’s teacher come ev’ry morning with a broken car, that sembr’che
is giving its soul to God by a moment to other. She hasn’t firmated
dressed type Sweet and Gabbana or John Arhands…poor,poor woman…she’s shake
herself all days for four money…what a cabbage’s life!
I see a better future for me than this, no comm’ says my mother:-
Gennarino studia, è importante per la tua formazione culturale (Escuse
her, she nossape well Inglisc e speak only Italian. She has two laureas
and a master but ang’hessa take four money to do scientific research in a
black laboratory…she says:- I’m happy!
Seee comenò but who te biliv mummy!) What freg to me of culture. I want to
go to the “Big Brother’s show” to become famous and rich. My sister want
to make the velin of “Strip the notice show” op’pure the little letter of
“Pass the word” by Jerry Scotty.
Masseppoy ‘n riesch these progets we’ll accontented of one of a million
work posts that our premier has promise to us.
Men male that I’m not born al time de my parents, idealist and babbions.
What a beautiful time to live my young life, rich of opportunities and
possibilities to do all but all ch’ell chemm’eparammé.
The end.
THE DIRIGENT SPEECH ABOUT THE TUTOR AT THE DOCENT COLLEGG
How The
tutor can be? I tell you.
Tutor must be a "good looking and well dressed person" because he/she is
the one who contacts families and, se dic, "eye wants its part".
He/she needs big orecchies to listen to de families desiderata and wishes
and he/she have to da rispond "yes, ok, all rait, it goes well".
He/she needs a big bocc to tell Insegnant Equipe what they have to do.
He/she needs ten bracces and manes to take calm children in the classroom,
to compilar the Portfolio and personalizzated plan, to indicate the
children different laboratories in the afternoon (as the policeman at the
crossroad).
He/she must be pazient, eloquent, sorrident, accondiscendent, present
and....soprattutt.......dirigent dipendent.
In a word.....He/she must be the best teacher in the school.
Do you comprend?
RICEVIMENT OF THE GENITORS
Genitor -
Good morning! Can I hold your hand?
Teacher - End? ahò, amo gggià finito! Bidell, the riceviment is over!
Bidell - Ma ccche state addì, professorè? You must still cominc...
Teacher - oh, holy sky....
Genitor - For my son, I have a dream....
Theacher - Drin? Driiiiiiinnnn!!! The bell rang... the riceviment is
over... isn't it?
Bidell!
Bidell - A ticer, lei le campanelle dint' e uorecchi'e tiene!
Genitor - Oh, my son is such a clever student!!!
Teacher - Stud-gnent, certainly, he doesn't stud un beautiful gnent. This
is the real truth!
Genitor - But he always comes to school...
Teacher - Yes, to keep hot the bank.... a scaldà er banco ce viene!
Genitor - He comes to school, I said, with all his books...
Teacher - Vabbè,
lei li chiama bbuchi, io le chiamo lacune... inzomma, he doesn't know 'na
mazz'e gnent!
Bidell!
Stoppitte pliiis, I must go home!
Bidel - OM? Ommmortacci!
RECITAL DE FIN DE
YEAR
Ticcer: Welcome tu de Forumian scul of inglisc. Dis year ui volem
representer “Leticella”.
Genitor 1: Anvedi come spicca bene la tutora!!
Genitor 2: No.. quella è la cosa dei Laboratoires Garnier para l’Anglais.
Genitor 1: E’ ver…con quell’altra femmo il portafoglio per Michelino mio.
Child 1: Yello, Yello… i so Leticella. I vol anda’ tu de ball tu de Castel
of ….Jackson… no Eminem.. ah no.... Prince!!
Child 2: Yello, i so sister tua, Bertagnella. Ma ando’ vai se le National
Indications for the pian de studying nun ce l’ave?
Child 3: Yello, pur i so sister tua, Apreaella. Ma ando’ vai se Private
School you arenn’t mai?
Child 4: Yello, i
so tu steppmotre, Tremontella. No money, no party!!
Child 1: Anghè, anghè . I volev
solament de address…no de dress.. no tutt’a duie.
Child 5: Yello, i so de fatin, Sindachella, tiètti a pampkin, du’ or trii
mause, a piezz de dress end tu sciuessss. Rimembra.. when de clocco rings
middenait, …ranna, ranna…or te trasform in a cozz.
Genitor 1: Ammappela, commo so’ bravi ora che so’ riformati!!!
Child 6: Yello, i so u Prince, Berlusking. I vol ballè co’ tutt le mond. I
vol ess el più bel de mond.
I so el cocomer tond tond…
Child 1: Prince, oh Prince..Do’ stei?
I nun te ved? Ah… si tu…. I pensav tu
foss e puff….
Child 6: No .. i so
de Prince. I command tutt. I so fort!
Chidl 1: A bit shortino…a bit baldino… a bit fettino…
Well…i vol la scranna, i vo’ comandè
pur io…ch’a men’port si i is brutt?
Ddriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn
Child 6: A volant de gard de finanz?
Child 4: A cascad de coins?
Child 3: A cellular de manicom?
Child 2: A trombett de manifestant comunist?
Child 1: A clocco?
Bidell: No .. a campanella…E’ l’ora de sloggià a tutti a voi…..Intendiste??
All genitors: bisse, bisse. Brav, brav…
THE LAST ONE. IN THE D FORUM
First
teacher - Sigh, sigh, the forum is going to finish...
Second teacher - The forum? Which one?
First teacher - Everyone. I'm so tired...
ST- Che ti tira?
FT- A mme gnente,
nun t' allargà.
ST - Qual è sto forum?
FT -
The D one, the best!
ST- In poche parole, na bbestialità.
FT- Mannò, er mejo...
ST - E chi cce sta?
FT - Ce stanno le mejo ticer d'Italia.
ST - E cchi t'ha detto?
FT - Una delle mejo, Silvana Musy, ha dato er diploma de merito a tutte!
ST -
E cchi so?
FT- It's not important to say their names.
Chi nun ha conosciuto er
forum, nun c'è entrato dentro coll'anima, with the purity of the soul, nun
ppo capì cos'è 'na passeggiata col sor Cesare in carrozzella in giro per
la capitale...
ST-London?
FT- Ma cche London! Rrrrroma,'ndo ce sta l'osteria der vicolo...
ST- Ma queste so' cose ground ground...
FT- E la nobbblesse 'ndo la metti?
ST-...e 'ndo la devo da mette?
FT- Shut up! Se tu ner mtico D nun ce sei mai stata, nun poi parlà!
ST- Ma allora è vero che siete un po' ill of esclusiveness...
FT- No, il forum è stato sempre opened...
ST-...che c'avete un po' de stink under the nose!
FT-...c'avemo l'orgoglio, la dignità, questo è vero. C'avemo la voglia de
esse giusti, onesti, co nnoi e coll'artri. Pure Rify avemo assolto!
ST - Rify?
FT- Evvedi che nun poi capì?!?! Ner forum D c'è stato de tutto: omicidi,
incontri ravvicinati of the third kind...
ST- UFO?
FT-...no, Fiera de Bbbologna. Crisi, pianti, scuse, insulti, ancora scuse,
gioie, servizi meteo, ancora insulti, informazioni, frattali...
ST- Me piaceno i frattali, io li faccio in padella, come i fegatini.
FT-...dolori, guerra, poesia, savonarolate, interverti veramente gajardi,
altri che nun erano un big that.
ST- E mmò?
FT- E mmò, che te devo dì, stamo 'nguaiati. The problem is che oramai se
volemo bbene, che semo diventati 'na family eppure se dovemo lassà...
ST- Mha! Hai visto mai che sora Letizia...
FT- Dopo tutto quello che je avemo detto...
ST-...se je chiedete scusa...
FT-Ah bella, mma dde che?
ST-E nun te 'nca@@à!
FT - E me 'nca@@o sì, me 'nca@@o! Scusa de che? D'avè detto le cose come
stanno? D'avè ggiocato, d'avè preso le cose con ironia? Essù!
ST- Ma state tutti così laddentro?
FT- Quelli der D semo così, sanguigni.
Dicemo bread
to the bread and wine to the wine!
ST - E mmò, quanno
er forum se spegne che ddirai?
FT- Me metterò a ssede ar piccì...
ST- O vedi che siete tutti comunisti!
FT- ...ma statte zitta! Me collegherò su puntoedu, e quanno la mia
password non sarà accettata...
ST- Che penserai?
FT-...che brutta jurnat'e mmerda!
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